Saints' Discussion Forums

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

 :o

Winters are fierce where the old estate owner lives, so he felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.

Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

"Why don't you wear them?"

The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! . . . Never again, never again!"

. . .

We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.

"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

. . . .

 ;D :happyroll: :rotflblue: :rotfl:

Glad you liked 'em Rachel! Only a little time left while the icicles are still hanging for 'em!  :D

 :happyroll: :rotflblue: :rotfl:  First and third ones are hilarious!

 :rotflblue: :rotflblue: :rotflblue:

Winter Travel Warning
The Department of Transportation issued a travel warning. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should have the following:

Shovel
Blankets
Extra clothing
24 hours worth of food
De-icer
Rock salt
Flashlight and spare batteries
Road flares or reflective triangles
Empty gas can
Booster cables

I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning.

 :happyroll: :rotfl: :happyroll:

 :rotfl: :happyroll: :rotflblue:

 :rotfl: :happyroll: :happyroll: :happyroll:

Unassembled snowmen for sale cheap!

Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

It was so cold yesterday that. . .

The local coffee shop was serving coffee on a stick!
We had to chop up the piano for firewood -- but we only got two chords!
We took all our food out of the freezer. . . and went inside instead to warm up!
We played checkers with tea candles. . .
And I had to take one and light a tea candle in the bird cage for my parakeet!
The oil company sent me a letter of condolences along with the bill!
And all my cereal is now frosted cereal!
We use the snowblower around the house instead of vacuuming!
I tried to take out the trash can but the can won't move!
I had to defrost the fireplace!
My father traded in the family car for a zamboni.. And he starts it by yelling "Mush!"
I put frozen pizza in the oven and got out.. . frozen pizza!
I no longer have to trim my beard with a razor! I just break a bit off!

And finally...

I baked a cake and I didn't have to frost it!

 :D  :winter too: :hockeysaint:

 :D :happyroll: :rotfl: :rejoice: :rotflblue:

Q: How do Eskimos make their beds?
A: With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.

Q: Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter?
A: They wear snowcaps.

Q: What do you call a snowman in the desert?
A: A puddle!

Q: What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes!

Q: Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
A: Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

...

Isn't everyone glad it's Spring?  ;D

What goes up white and comes down yellow and white?

I have no clue!  ;D ;D ;D

Sure you have !
Chances are, you had one for breakfast this morning ;D

An egg??  :tinyangel: :rejoice: :tinyangel: :tinyangel:

You got it, yes!   ;D

Haha! That was a great riddle! Simple and fun! 

Thanks odhiambo!

What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

A: One ....... ..... and the other ....... .....!

 ;)

Not a clue ;D
All I am doing is saying over and over  "iceberg and a clothes brush, iceberg and a clothes brush....." Nothing. ;D

Think the 'Titanic'! 

A one for attempt is better than a 0 for not attempting at all ;D
So here goes...
One  can float the other cannot  ;D

For one word: think ice in a blender, what happens to it?? :D

The number of .... are the # of letters!


A: One c.....s b...s and the other b.....s c...s!

One crashes boats and the other brushes coats  ;D

Hurrah!

 :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :happyroll: :rotfl: :rotflblue: :rejoice: :kanpai: :kanpai: :kanpai: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

 ;D ;D

You did all the work but I am still happy  ;D

 :rotflblue: :violin: :littlewings:

And here is. . .
. . . another winter riddle!

 :winter too:

Makes a fellow appreciate this time of year all the more!


Q: What bites with no teeth?
A: .....


 :D

1:A baby with no teeth  ;D
That is absolutely correct but I am sure not the one you want.
2: Insects such as mosquitoes.

Ho ho, absolutely correct, but nothing to do with winter and so BZZZT! Wrong answer!!

 :rotflblue: :rejoice:

Yeah! I thought so. It will have to wait till tomorrow, It is 11.15 pm here and I have to call it a day  :)
Have a good day Shin.

Goodnight odhiambo!! Sleep well! God keep thee!  :D

Got to be hunger! It can really bite ;D

I have heard old timers around here refer to a  cold winter wind that "bites".(?)

You two are both pretty close.. Yes whatever it is that bites is cold.. it's a farmer's bane. . if only someone could figure it out ho ho!

 :winter too:  :rejoice:  :farmer:

Frostbite! It is Frost  ;D

Absolutely 100% Correct!!

 :thrones: :cheers: :tinyangel: :rejoice:  :violin:

Your last post did it. ;D

Here's an easy winter joke/riddle. . .

What's a snowman's favorite kind of tea?

 ;) :teapot: :lovemug:

 :D

A snowman's favorite kind of tea is hmm.... ;D
Iam working on it; it will take me a while though ;D

Yes! Yes! Yes!  :happyroll:
Shin, you will not believe this!
I asked myself , is there such a thing as snowflake tea?
So I checked it out and yes, apparently there is.
Got to be snowflake tea ;D
Now , what exactly is snowflake tea?  ;D

What a pleasure it is to be reading these with a temperature of almost 80--in NH on May 4!!!

Congratulations Odhiambo!

That's just a spectacular answer! Haha!

So unexpected!!

Isn't it refreshing talking about winter I agree I agree! Hahaha!

Snowflake tea. . Hmm.. what does it look like. Little bits of coconut floating in it? How interesting.

This next one is for anytime of year..

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater  Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.  The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.  By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause:  When crows eat road kill, they always have A look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

. . .

What Massachusetts Turnpike Authority need is Joe the talking crow.  there would have been no vehicular impacts, car or truck. with Joe on the look out.  He does not just say "cah", he also says "hello" ;D

Ha ha ha!

I remember now you can train crows to talk!

Arctic Advice:

No matter how cold you are, DO NOT attempt to build a fire in a kayak! You can't have your kayak and heat it too.