Saints' Discussion Forums

'Foremost among the soul's affections is love. Love is the ruler of every motion of the heart; drawing all to itself, and making us like to that we love. Beware, then, my daughter, of harbouring any evil affection, or you too will become evil. And friendship is the most dangerous of all affections, because any other love may exist without much mental communication, but as friendship is founded thereon, it is hardly possible to be closely bound by its ties to any one without sharing in his qualities.

Whatever is founded on mere sensuality, vanity, or frivolity, is unworthy to be called friendship.

I mean such attractions as are purely external; a sweet voice, personal beauty, and the cleverness or outward show which have great weight with some. You will often hear women and young people unhesitatingly decide that such an one is very delightful, very admirable, because he is good-looking, well-dressed, sings, or dances, or talks well. Even charlatans esteem the wittiest clown amongst them as their best man.

But all these things are purely sensual, and the connections built on such foundation must be vain and frivolous, more fitly to be called trifling than friendship. They spring up chiefly among young people, who are easily fascinated by personal attractions, dress, and gossip - friendships in which the tailor and hairdresser have the chief part. How can such friendships be other than shortlived, melting away like snow wreaths in the sun!'

St. Francis de Sales

Maybe that is why I have very few friends. ;D  For me old is gold, tried and tested. My few best friends are those from school or college days. One of them who is in this country I've known since kindergarten and whom I still keep in touch with.

How do I choose my friends?? Actually they choose me, not the other way round. I'm not a very exciting person to be around with in the 'worldly' sense, no beauty, no fancy clothes or big accomplishments or riches, so people get bored with me very easily. :D  So that is convenient for me, in a way, just makes it easier to choose good friends.
As our saint Francis says
So there are a few who would  like to continue to be my friend, and that is how I ascertain it is a true friendship. :D 

More so now since tragedy struck, it was very easy to sift the good friends from the bad. The good ones stay with you, call you, make sure you're okay, don't judge your situation, and are a peace to be with, like you my friends at the Saintsforum. :littlewings:

I feel I have had a similar experience to you Patricia. :)

'Truly it is a blessed thing to love on earth as we hope to love in Heaven, and to begin that friendship here which is to endure for ever there. I am not now speaking of simple charity, a love due to all mankind, but of that spiritual friendship which binds souls together, leading them to share devotions and spiritual interests, so as to have but one mind between them. . . There are two sayings in Holy Scripture on which all Christian friendship should be built: - that of the Wise Man, "Whoso feareth the Lord shall direct his friendship aright;" and that of St. James, "The friendship of the world is enmity with God."'

St. Francis de Sales

The worst friendships I had and decisions I did make were before  I turned to God.  Once you turn to Him he gives you the good sense to choose wisely.

Better to have a few good apples than many bad apples!  :D

 :tinyangel: :littlewings: :thrones:

St. Teresa of Avila said the same thing. She talked about how she'd chosen friends for externals before she changed her focus, then she had only St. John of the Cross as a friend since they were both mainly concerned with the same Person.


Patricia, how do you have a good friend from kindergarten when you've moved so far? I've moved a lot (but not as far as you) and don't even know where my friends from kindergarten live now. :-\

Well, in India, its difficult to forget friends , relatives, neighbours or acquaintances easily. People keep in touch whether you like it or not. ;D

For some reason we have been in touch, mainly because our mothers were friends and even when there were some years of separation, by some twist of fate we would meet again and exchange addresses and numbers. Finally, she moved to the U.S. recently with her husband , so we can now call each other often. She has been very supportive since my husband's death and makes it a point to call, at least once a month.

(Now I get to use this word in conversation). It was so unusual that you would be in such 'propinquity'. :D

Everything is meaningless without the Lord and friendships are no exception.
Thank God for you all  :+:

Vocabulary word of the day!

Reminds me when I used to play Scrabble all the time!

   Propinquity all over the place in India   ;D

Fly from bad companions as from the bite of a poisonous snake. If you keep good companions, I can assure you that you will one day rejoice with the blessed in Heaven; whereas if you keep with those who are bad, you will become bad yourself, and you will be in danger of losing your soul.

 -- St. John Bosco

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And that isn't so easy if you desperately want friends. I don't know of many teens that could resist the temptation of having friends that they really know they aren't that wonderful. :(

I have few friends.  I have two from college long distance; 2 from where I lived before I moved here (and one is my old confessor-- so it's a bit different kind of friendship); and I only have 2 here (the parish ministry coordinator and my sp dir-- though that is not what one would call "friendship," per ce -- but in Christ nevertheless).   I have several acquaintances through my kids' activities but, they are not friends......   and I never realized till now reading these posts, that they are all Catholic (but one), all faithful to their vocations (married or single), and all with the same values as me.  Birds of a feather flock together, no?   :D

They sure do!

Oh my Bailey2, I just read that quote yesterday evening! Splendid! Our angels must be reading the same books!  :tinyangel:

I was reading my old Aesop's fables and thinking, "Perhaps I should share some of these maxims and morals on the Saints' Forums! I wonder what Bailey2 would think of these? And one of them was in closing 'birds of a feather flock together!'  :D

 :D
Nice idea!

Ah-ha! Here's the story! And so appropriate!

Aesop's Fables:

The Farmer and the Stork

A Farmer placed nets on his newly-sown plowlands and caught a number of Cranes, which came to pick up his seed. With them he trapped a Stork that had fractured his leg in the net and was earnestly beseeching the Farmer to spare his life. "Pray save me, Master," he said, "and let me go free this once. My broken limb should excite your pity. Besides, I am no Crane, I am a Stork, a bird of excellent character; and see how I love and slave for my father and mother. Look too, at my feathers-- they are not the least like those of a Crane." The Farmer laughed aloud and said, "It may be all as you say, I only know this: I have taken you with these robbers, the Cranes, and you must die in their company."

Birds of a feather flock together.

Eating and drinking don't make friendships - such friendship even robbers and murderers have. But if we are friends, if we truly care for one another, let's help one another spritually....Let's hinder those things that lead our friends away to hell.

-- Saint John Chrysostom

Ah the difference between worldly friendships and spiritual ones.. what a blessing is a spiritual friend!

Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals. (1 Cor 15: 33)

Good companionships then must improve good morals.  :D

Thank God for holy friendships.  :angelbell:

Yes. You are all improving me. :D