Beginning corporal mortifications

Dear all,

I came over from another forum, following Shin, and wanted to share my recent thoughts and experiences on corporal mortification.

I have felt a draw to corporal mortification and using the discpline since learning that some of the Saints I admired the most practised this. Although I quickly tried to dismiss it (thinking that they were misguided or going through a dark time spiritually) I still felt drawn back to it. There was something deeply moving about this, so long as it wasn't done through 'guilt' as such. I could see a darker component, which should be avoided.

I should note that I felt drawn to his when very young, too. I grew up in a completely 'normal' environment - nothing sinister as is often the thought when people discuss these kind of things in this day and age!

I have felt imbued with a sense of how this should be done, in my life specifically. I have read that the most important mortifications are interior.
I have thought the best way to carry these out is by imitating 'The Little Way' of St. Therese. Putting up with little hardships; offering sacrifices to God; doing penance.

Of corporal motification; fasting takes precedence, and is most difficult.

I see taking the discipline as a step towards humility, and of subduing the body- the cause of so many sins, and to fight my 'haughtiness' and pride. First and foremost, I see it as an integral balance between interior and exterior mortification. Where I have failed interiorly, taking the discipline is a penance for a slackening in the practise of interior mortifications, and a reminder of their precedence in the spirtual life.

Lastly, directed against oneself, this penance can be performed for the conversion of sinners, and for blasphemies against the Holy Eucharist, and the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

My role models are Padre Pio, Jose Maria Escriva, and Louis Marie de Monfort. First and foremost, however, is St. Therese. Famous for her “little way” and her love for God and others, she fasted and used the discipline vigorously, “scourging herself with all the strength and speed of which she was capable, smiling at the crucifix through the tears which bedewed her eyelashes,”.

The more I read, the more I'm fascinated. Gemma Galgani, Rose of Lima... they all went to great lengths to practise mortification. I wouldn't be able to come close; but I really feel their thirst.

My drive seems to be reparation- for my own sins, but also for conversions, and to make reparation for sacrileges against the Holy Eucharist.

It has been a real journey- Christ has really been opening my eyes and I have gone from revert - to luke warm Catholic - to 'traditional' - He has really shown me the abuses and He seems to be challenging me to do something.

I bought a cilice, and hair shirt. I'm going to try to work out a structured way of using these. As I said, second place to interior mortifications. I think I will use the discpline once or twice a week, and wear the cilice for a couple of hours a day. I work from home- so I may as well wear the hair shirt.

I hope none of this comes off as extreme or a proposal for any one else... I'm really wanting to involve others and take some guidance and help. Maybe if any one has used these, they could share their 'routines' or similar, and we could encourage one another.

Please feel free to inbox me, too.

God bless you all.