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Saints' Discussion Forums  |  Forums  |  Everything Else  |  Topic: Jokes for Year's End 0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Shin
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« on: December 31, 2010, 07:11:14 PM »

Just because one owns a business doesn't mean it has to be all business.

This sign in a dentist's office proves that point:

"Be True to Your Teeth, or They Will Be False to You."

. . .

My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.

Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.

When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl. . . so I had to do all the rest."

- Mary I. Costain

. . .

My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

"Good!" I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."

"Great!" she replied. "I'll ride with you.

. . .

The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat!' " she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it."

When the woman finished, she paused, looked up, and said, "Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?

. . .

 Cheesy
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
Brigid
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« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2010, 07:15:15 PM »

 happy roll rotfl  The first one Patricia can even use with her patients!
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For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.
Matt. 6:21
Shin
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« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2010, 07:15:50 PM »

The second one I've had to do, more than once!  Embarrassed  Roll Eyes Cheesy
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
Patricia
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« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2010, 07:18:10 PM »

The second one is hilarious! Cheesy rotfl
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'His mother saith to the servants: Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye.'
~~~John 2:5
Shin
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« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2010, 07:19:56 PM »

I can be so absent minded!  Cheesy The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!
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martin
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« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2011, 06:26:22 PM »

Hahahaha  rotfl rotfl blue happy roll
Those are really good.

I found this quote while reading a G.k. Chesterton book.

" If you were clever enough in managing to accumulate so much wealth,
you must have been stupid enough in the first place to want it. "
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"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
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Shin
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« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2011, 08:47:26 PM »

Hahahaha  rotfl rotfl blue happy roll
Those are really good.

I found this quote while reading a G.k. Chesterton book.

" If you were clever enough in managing to accumulate so much wealth,
you must have been stupid enough in the first place to want it. "

 happy roll

Good one Martin! Cheesy

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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
Shin
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« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2011, 10:14:59 PM »

 Grin

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?
And here's a hand, my trusty friend
And gie's a hand o' thine
We'll tak'A cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.

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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
Brigid
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« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2011, 07:02:29 PM »

Quote
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.


champagne?        irishwisdom
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For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.
Matt. 6:21
Shin
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« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2011, 11:39:45 AM »

My, how long it's been since I've had any of it! Cheesy

Good thought!  Cheesy
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
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