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Saints' Discussion Forums  |  Forums  |  Everything Else  |  Topic: Winter Jokes 0 Members and 4 Guests are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Winter Jokes  (Read 26971 times)
Shin
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« on: February 01, 2011, 10:33:13 AM »

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

 Shocked

Winters are fierce where the old estate owner lives, so he felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.

Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

"Why don't you wear them?"

The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! . . . Never again, never again!"

. . .

We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.

"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

. . . .


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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
RachelKH
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« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2011, 11:23:50 AM »

 Grin happy roll rotfl blue rotfl
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Heavenly Father help me to persevere, to strive where my will is weak, and to begin again where I have failed, that whatever I lack in love, I may put right in the trying. Amen.
Shin
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« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2011, 11:43:03 AM »

Grin happy roll rotfl blue rotfl

Glad you liked 'em Rachel! Only a little time left while the icicles are still hanging for 'em!  Cheesy
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
Patricia
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« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2011, 12:18:44 PM »

 happy roll rotfl blue rotfl  First and third ones are hilarious!
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Brigid
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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2011, 05:28:17 PM »

 rotfl blue rotfl blue rotfl blue
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RachelKH
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« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2011, 09:49:40 AM »

Winter Travel Warning
The Department of Transportation issued a travel warning. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should have the following:

Shovel
Blankets
Extra clothing
24 hours worth of food
De-icer
Rock salt
Flashlight and spare batteries
Road flares or reflective triangles
Empty gas can
Booster cables

I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning.
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Heavenly Father help me to persevere, to strive where my will is weak, and to begin again where I have failed, that whatever I lack in love, I may put right in the trying. Amen.
Shin
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« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2011, 09:51:40 AM »

 happy roll rotfl happy roll
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
martin
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« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2011, 10:13:20 AM »

 rotfl happy roll rotfl blue
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(Galatians 2:20)
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« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2011, 12:08:07 PM »

 rotfl happy roll happy roll happy roll
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Shin
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« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2014, 06:08:27 AM »

Unassembled snowmen for sale cheap!

Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

It was so cold yesterday that. . .

The local coffee shop was serving coffee on a stick!
We had to chop up the piano for firewood -- but we only got two chords!
We took all our food out of the freezer. . . and went inside instead to warm up!
We played checkers with tea candles. . .
And I had to take one and light a tea candle in the bird cage for my parakeet!
The oil company sent me a letter of condolences along with the bill!
And all my cereal is now frosted cereal!
We use the snowblower around the house instead of vacuuming!
I tried to take out the trash can but the can won't move!
I had to defrost the fireplace!
My father traded in the family car for a zamboni.. And he starts it by yelling "Mush!"
I put frozen pizza in the oven and got out.. . frozen pizza!
I no longer have to trim my beard with a razor! I just break a bit off!

And finally...

I baked a cake and I didn't have to frost it!

 Cheesy  winter too hockeysaint

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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
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« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2014, 02:18:08 PM »

 Cheesy happy roll rotfl rejoice rotfl blue
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Let nothing disturb you
Shin
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« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2015, 03:38:24 PM »

Q: How do Eskimos make their beds?
A: With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.

Q: Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter?
A: They wear snowcaps.

Q: What do you call a snowman in the desert?
A: A puddle!

Q: What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes!

Q: Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
A: Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

...

Isn't everyone glad it's Spring?  Grin
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
odhiambo
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« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2015, 09:16:40 AM »

What goes up white and comes down yellow and white?
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Shin
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« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2015, 03:42:04 PM »

I have no clue!  Grin Grin Grin
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
odhiambo
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« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2015, 08:23:02 AM »

I have no clue!  Grin Grin Grin
Sure you have !
Chances are, you had one for breakfast this morning Grin
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Shin
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« Reply #15 on: May 01, 2015, 10:19:49 AM »

An egg??  tiny angel rejoice tiny angel tiny angel
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
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