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Saints' Discussion Forums  |  Forums  |  Everything Else  |  Topic: Joke of the Day 0 Members and 5 Guests are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 35863 times)
Brigid
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« Reply #32 on: May 08, 2013, 03:27:06 PM »
 big grin
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For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.
Matt. 6:21
odhiambo
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« Reply #33 on: May 08, 2013, 03:56:44 PM »
Quote from: Shin on May 08, 2013, 05:09:28 AM
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny,
"How come you aren't married?"

Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet."

George: "So what are you looking for?"

Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook and house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money, she's got to have money... and a home, a nice big house."

George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU."

Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she's crazy."

Johnny has another 40 years of bachelorhood ahead of him  Smiley
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Shin
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« Reply #34 on: May 09, 2013, 12:38:17 AM »
 happy roll
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
odhiambo
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« Reply #35 on: May 18, 2013, 02:08:04 PM »
The Blood Donor
 
  An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery,
  but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his
  blood in case the need arises.
 
  As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally,
  so, the call went out.
 
  Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type.
 
  The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
 
  After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for
  giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.
 
  A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a
  corrective surgery.
 
  His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy
  to donate his blood again.
 
  After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you
  card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
 
  The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind
  gesture as he had anticipated.
 
  He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous
  again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money,
  but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street ."
 
  To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie,
  but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins". Grin
I love this one ! Grin
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Brigid
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« Reply #36 on: May 18, 2013, 06:59:31 PM »
 rotfl
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For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.
Matt. 6:21
Shin
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« Reply #37 on: June 06, 2013, 10:40:21 AM »
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife!

"Stay out of those!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
odhiambo
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« Reply #38 on: July 30, 2013, 03:32:45 PM »
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.  Grin
 
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Shin
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« Reply #39 on: July 30, 2013, 04:19:55 PM »
 happy roll rotfl rotfl blue
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
Brigid
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« Reply #40 on: July 31, 2013, 02:27:49 PM »
Oh, groan... rotfl blue Grin  rotfl rotfl
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For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.
Matt. 6:21
odhiambo
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« Reply #41 on: September 10, 2013, 12:46:33 PM »
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
 including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent
when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
 
 Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he
 were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
 
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to
 have a wife.'  Grin
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Patricia
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« Reply #42 on: September 18, 2013, 01:29:59 PM »
Haha ha! rejoice
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'His mother saith to the servants: Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye.'
~~~John 2:5
odhiambo
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« Reply #43 on: September 19, 2013, 09:42:12 AM »
So innocent, why do we ever grow up!
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
Brigid
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« Reply #44 on: September 19, 2013, 02:41:54 PM »
Love it!  rotfl blue
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For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.
Matt. 6:21
Shin
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« Reply #45 on: September 20, 2013, 12:49:42 AM »
Quote from: odhiambo on September 19, 2013, 09:42:12 AM
So innocent, why do we ever grow up!

Good thought! Cheesy
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'Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra. . . Fulcite me floribus. (The flowers appear on the earth. . . stay me up with flowers. Sg 2:12,5)
odhiambo
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« Reply #46 on: September 25, 2013, 01:26:41 PM »
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked,
 "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied.
"That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'  Grin
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Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
Inspirational Quotes from the saints:
'If men but knew Thee, O my God!'
St. Ignatius of Loyola
“Late have I loved Thee,
 O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,
 late have I loved Thee!......”
St. Augustine of Hippo
George
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« Reply #47 on: September 25, 2013, 04:30:23 PM »
Quote from: odhiambo on September 25, 2013, 01:26:41 PM
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked,
 "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied.
"That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'  Grin

Roll Eyes
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George ( Haji )
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