Joke of the Day

[Shin]

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked,
 "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied.
"That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' 

 

[Patricia]

  Good one!

[Brigid]

   arggh...........

[odhiambo]

  arggh...........

 

[odhiambo]

"I wonder what people will wear in Heaven," said the wife
" I suppose you will want the most expensive things, just as here on earth", retorted the husband.
"That need not worry you", she promptly replied, " you won't be there to pay!"

[Patricia]

Good one Odhiambo!!

[odhiambo]

Good one Odhiambo!!

 
A bit unkind to the poor husband. No matter how stingy, I would still wish him to be there. Let us hope that she meant just a temporary absence curtesy of purgatory

[odhiambo]

A housewife decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes; how all blondes are perceived as hmmm, you know what they say.  
She decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK.
She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said...
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"  

[odhiambo]

I have a feeling that the so called "blonde" jokes could have been started by someone with just a touch of hmmm, envy perhaps?  

[Shin]

 

[odhiambo]

A Very Cold Winter  Morning........
   
Wife texts husband on a very cold
 winter's morning:
 
"Window's frozen.
 Won't open."
 
Husband texts  back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."   
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer's really messed up now."

[Shin]

   

[odhiambo]

God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples. It read,
"Take only one, God is watching."
 Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
 One little boy wrote his own note and placed it next to the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

[odhiambo]

Three old  guys are out walking.
First one says,  'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says,  'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a  beer..'
 
   

[Shin]

 

[Shin]

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long," answered the Mexican. "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life." The American interrupted, "I have a MBA from Harvard and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle-man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise. "How long would that take?" asked the Mexican. "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American. "And after that?" "Afterwards?" That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!" "Millions? Really?" "And after that?" asked the fisherman. "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"