Joke for the Day: Law Class

[Shin]

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, 'Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?'

The student replied, 'Here's an orange.'

The professor was livid. 'No! No! Think like a lawyer!'

The student then recited, 'Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'

 

[Brigid]

 

[martin]

 

I wonder do they even understand their own words. 

[Shin]

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything.

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, “We’ve reached our cruising altitude now, and I’m turning off the seat belt sign. I’m switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.”

[Brigid]

I loved #1, but I didn't get #2 (unless he's not going back to the cockpit to descend for landing).

[Shin]

That is what I think it is!

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits--yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

[Brigid]

They're all so funny - and the last one is a grinning groan.

[Patricia]

Ha ha!   The second one is you Shin.

[martin]

 

[Shin]

Ha ha!   The second one is you Shin.

  


A lady brings a duck into the veterinary clinic and says: “I think my duck is dead”. So the veterinarian takes a look at the duck, examines its heart, checks from head to tail and remarks: “Lady, your duck is dead”. The lady says: “No, I am not so sure, can you check into it a little bit further”. So he whistles and in comes his golden labrador dog. His dog puts his paws up on the table and sniffs the duck from front to back, shakes his head and leaves the room. The Vet says “Lady, your duck is dead”. The lady says: “No, No, No, I am not so sure that my duck is dead”. Lady asks “Can you triple check?” So he whistles again and in comes his cat. The cat jumps up on the table, sniffs the duck from head to tail, shakes his head and leaves the room. I’m sorry Lady, but your duck is dead!” The lady says: “Okay, I’ll accept that the duck is dead”. “Now how much do I owe you?” Well, the Vet says:” That will be $285”. The lady says: “$285 for what?” Well the Vet says: “The diagnostic was free. But the lab costs were $135 and the cat scan was $150”.

[Brigid]

Oh..........no.............( )