Joke and Riddles

[Shin]

Though not a plant,
Has leaves.
Though not a beast,
Has spine.
Though many wouldn't need this thing
'Tis more valuable than wine.

What is it?

A book!

...  You will kick yourself, like I did, if you do not get the above and look at the answer quickly.

Around the corner there is a tree.
Under the tree there is a school.
In the school there is a desk.
Behind the desk there is a bell.
Behind the desk is a teacher.

What is her name?


Isabell!

Hibernating when it is cold,
But when it is warm I become bold;
I light up the night,
For every child`s delight.
Some people I might annoy
But to others I bring joy.

What am I?

A firefly or lightning bug!


How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.

[Patricia]

l) Book?
2) Isabel ?
3) firefly ?   

[Shin]

l) Book?
2) Isabel ?
3) firefly ?   

Every one correct !  Congratulations Patricia! 

[RachelKH]

i love these!  i shared them with my girls -- everyone needs a good dinosaur joke on a Sunday afternoon. 

[martin]

Q...What kind of dinosaurs can jump higher than a house?

A... Any kind. A house can't jump.

I must warn you Rachel. This is as good as it gets. 

[RachelKH]

my  DD Julia made up this one:

knock, knock
who's there?
cows!
cows who?
no, no -- cows moo!

my Theresa loves this one:

knock, knock
who's there?
Ivan
Ivan who?
Ivan working on the railroad, all the live-long days
(and she sings this of course)
and if you don't believe me, i'll put syrup in your hair!

another by Julia:

knock, knock
who's there?
owls
owls who?
yes, they do!

theresa again:

knock, knock
who's there?
silver!
silver who?
silverware!  (you have to laugh until you fall off your chair now)

see, martin -- i'm used to really good jokes!

[Shin]

  

Your daughters' knock knocks are great! They're inspired! 

I'm laughing a lot! 

[Patricia]

I shared them with my daughters and they enjoyed them too.  I like the maple syrup part.

[Brigid]

my  DD Julia made up this one:

knock, knock
who's there?
cows!
cows who?
no, no -- cows moo!

my Theresa loves this one:

knock, knock
who's there?
Ivan
Ivan who?
Ivan working on the railroad, all the live-long days
(and she sings this of course)
and if you don't believe me, i'll put syrup in your hair!

another by Julia:

knock, knock
who's there?
owls
owls who?
yes, they do!

theresa again:

knock, knock
who's there?
silver!
silver who?
silverware!  (you have to laugh until you fall off your chair now)

see, martin -- i'm used to really good jokes!

I liked the maple syrup one especially, too.

[martin]

Don't speak of Maple Syrup.... They do these delicious maple and pecan rolls in a little bakery near hand.
I have to turn the other cheek when passing. 

[Brigid]

Don't speak of Maple Syrup.... They do these delicious maple and pecan rolls in a little bakery near hand.
I have to turn the other cheek when passing. 

[RachelKH]

my daughters are everso glad you liked them!

in honor of my visit w/ a lawyer today, here is a joke:

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Bobby. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Danny," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Bobby.

Danny replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Bobby.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Danny.


and in honor of my getting a parttime job today:

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

[Shin]

 

LOL, these are great Rachel!

 

[Patricia]

Hilarious!   and congratulations on finding a job, Rachel.

[Brigid]

These are great, Rachel. And my congrats on your new job, also!

[RachelKH]

In honor of our high school team's last game:

May: What position does your brother play in the school football team ?
Jay: I think he’s one of the drawbacks !


Just for you computer whiz guy:

A confused caller was having troubles printing documents.
He told the technician that the computer had said that it ”could not find the printer.”
The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but his computer still could not ‘see’ the printer.

And thanks!