Grandchildren Jokes

[Shin]

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"


EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. . . . .

 

[RachelKH]

 
thanks, shin -- i needed to laugh.

[Brigid]

 
Shin, these are absolutely great!!!!!!

[Patricia]

Oh the exercise one is hilarious!

[RachelKH]

I was just reading a few too...

OLD FRIENDS
 
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but
I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
 
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
...
 
SENIOR DRIVING
 
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
 
"It's not just one car," Herman said. It's hundreds of them!
...
 
DRIVING
 
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
 
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

[Shin]

 

Oh these are all great, but the last one that's still got me going!!

[Patricia]

I loved the second one. 

[Brigid]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy!

[RachelKH]

HELP!

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the
brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
 
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way" A few minutes
later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says "She got in the
back-seat by mistake."
_______________
 
FAMILY
 
 
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
 
The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
 
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
her sisters She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both
of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
____________ _________ _________ ________
 
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
 
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
 
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
 
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

[Brigid]

 

[Shin]

 

It's great to have the good humor flowing like this!

[Patricia]

These are answers that my 8 year old daughter wrote to questions at Religious Ed.

1) How do we know God is all merciful?

    He gave us an imagination.

2)How do you know God loves us?

    Because He forgives us.

3)There are things around us that make you feel God is close. Can you think of some of them?  An example might be how you feel when the sun hits your face.

    Eucrist  (Eucharist)

4) If you were a prophet, what message do you think God would ask you to give? Write your thoughts below.

    he more beauitiful than the devil. the devil can disguise himself. to make sure pour holy water on them or say a hale mary!


I think the first one is so funny! 

[odhiambo]

These are answers that my 8 year old daughter wrote to questions at Religious Ed.

4) If you were a prophet, what message do you think God would ask you to give? Write your thoughts below.

    he more beauitiful than the devil. the devil can disguise himself. to make sure pour holy water on them or say a hale mary!

I think the first one is so funny! 

This 4th one is my best. I love it
Quite a daughter you have there Patricia!
I think she earned herself a hug there 

[Shin]

These are just too good Patricia! 

I love it when I hear about children's answers like this! It's great to hear stories like this here, some really happy times!

 

[Patricia]

Yes, those innocent answers last only so long and then they grow up!     Odhiambo, she is the middle child in the family and says she will be a nun, but lets pray and watch.   Sometimes my son says he will be a priest, but I leave it to God's Will.  I will encourage him if he ever shows interest in the priesthood.

[odhiambo]

Yes, those innocent answers last only so long and then they grow up!     Odhiambo, she is the middle child in the family and says she will be a nun, but lets pray and watch.   Sometimes my son says he will be a priest, but I leave it to God's Will.  I will encourage him if he ever shows interest in the priesthood.

Wow! how wonderful that would be if it were to happen; just like in the family of many of the saints we have seen where practically all members follow the religious life. A real blessing.