For Women Who Have No Choice but to Be Independent from the Help of Others

[SenoritaRita]

PART II:

For Women Who Have No Choice but to Be Independent from the Help of Others

I received a number of comments on my last article from women who wanted to know what they should do if they were made independent from the help and support of family and relatives -by no choice of their own.

We must keep in mind that there are exceptions to almost every rule and guideline.  A concession is given to women whom God, in the perfect knowledge of what is best for their particular soul, puts in unnatural circumstances.

A few examples of such situations are:

-1- An unmarried girl who has no family or relatives, or those she has are so evil that being around them constantly causes her to sin grievously…

-2- A married woman’s husband dies and she has no one else to turn to for support…

-3- A poor family cannot survive only on the income of just the father, so the mother also takes a job…


Living Alone

In the rare circumstance that a woman has absolutely no family, relatives, or anyone she can depend on; she has then been put in a position where she no longer has the choice to be dependent as most other women do. 

Since this was not done by her free will, the conclusion follows that she would not held responsible for being in such a situation; as would others who try to make themselves independent without a good reason.  And if she struggles her best to trust in God, remain faithful to Him, and avoid all unnecessary evils; He will surely give her the necessary graces to make ends meet and protect her from the dangers in the world.

Yet, even still, she ought not to be totally independent, if this is possible.  She should try to find a trustworthy confessor to guide her and have solid friends around her to keep her from shutting out good advice and shifting over to the opinions of the world, the flesh and the devil.

If an unmarried girl or woman is left without family, she should try to find an honest and reliable family member who can help guide and support her.  There are many families out there who would be more than grateful to give someone room and board, and take them into their family in exchange for a little help. It is most important; however, to be sure that the family is trustworthy – or living with them may also become a danger to her soul.

Sometimes the husband of a woman dies, and she has many children in her care, with no family to help her or means to support them.  In such a case, perhaps she should consider praying to God and asking Him whether He may wish for her to remarry.

If none of the foresaid examples are possible for a particular married or unmarried girl or woman, she should try to find another girl or woman to live with who is, ideally, of the same Faith and is morally sound.

In the case even this last resort is also no possible, and a woman has tried her best to find a solid foundation of help from others; she ought to pray, fight as best she can, and humbly leave everything else in God’s Hands.  For, nothing can happen to us without God’s consent, and He will never allow us to be tested beyond our strength when we humbly trust in Him.


Working in the World

For women who have no choice but to find a job in the world, here are some things to consider.

1- She should apply only for jobs which will not endanger her virtue (ie avoid working at bars or places where immoral people are often likely to be).

2- Preferably, her job should be one befitting of a woman, such as being a clerk, seamstress, nursing, etc. (rather than jobs like joining the army, carrying heavy equipment etc.)

-3- She should avoid working in situations where there are mostly men - this can even be a job as a secretary in a company that is usually men - engineers, etc.

-4- And if possible, she should try and find a job where a trustworthy friend or family member already works, so that she can have backup and support against the dangers and enticements of world.


Perfect Obedience

In the rare case that a woman’s parents, husband, or superior tell her to do something which is against the commandments of God; she is no longer bound to listen to them.  In fact, she is obliged not to, and must say, as did Saint Joan of Arc, “God first served”.  Yet, in all other cases, she ought not only be obedient but do everything that she thinks might be wished of her.


Final Conclusion


If women find themselves, without a choice, bound to live, work or act independently from the advice, council and support of others; they should do their part to remain in His grace and avoid, as much as possible, all near occasions of sin.  Then God will certainly give them the necessary graces to persevere in His grace, and protect them Himself from the many dangers of the world.

[Sr. Juan]

I very much agree with everything you have said.  It takes great courage to stand on this proper, right way of life, of which runs contrary to this modern society.
Thank you, thank you!!!

Sr. Juan, ( Franciscan tertiary)

[whiterockdove]

This is a beautiful piece you have written.
Thank you!

And welcome to the forum, both señoritarita and Sr. Juan!

[odhiambo]

In 2010, there was a seminar here in Nairobi, by a Nigerian Pastor on “how to get married without delay”
My goodness,  was there a to-do!
The venue was packed early and there was no room anymore but women thronged the outside of the venue in their thousands deaf to the information they received that the hall was full. It rained but the women paid no heed; they struggled,  they shoved they  screamed at the gate to be let in.
This was a pointer to the state of mind of some women who find themselves still unmarried after a certain age.
Many women in our society fear ending up single and this may lead to them marrying just anyone who shows an interest. They are that desperate to be married. Society does not make it any easier as it tends to regard unmarried women negatively.
If all these women had put their situation In the Lord’s able Hands, I doubt the so called “apostle of marriage” from Nigeria would have caused quite such a stir here in Nairobi.

[Shin]

Welcome to the forums Sr. Juan and Senorita Rita!

I am very glad folks are appreciating this!

[odhiambo]

I very much agree with everything you have said.  It takes great courage to stand on this proper, right way of life, of which runs contrary to this modern society.
Thank you, thank you!!!

Sr. Juan, ( Franciscan tertiary)

Welcome Sr. Juan.

[SenoritaRita]

Thank you all for being so good and understanding! 

So many people hate to hear these things. 

And it IS truly sad how our society thinks that it is a shame to be an "Old Maid".  Fr. Lasance speaks about how it is actually a blessed privilege in his book "A Catholic Girl's Guide"! 

May God bless you all! 

[Shin]

In 2010, there was a seminar here in Nairobi, by a Nigerian Pastor on “how to get married without delay”
My goodness,  was there a to-do!
The venue was packed early and there was no room anymore but women thronged the outside of the venue in their thousands deaf to the information they received that the hall was full. It rained but the women paid no heed; they struggled,  they shoved they  screamed at the gate to be let in.
This was a pointer to the state of mind of some women who find themselves still unmarried after a certain age.
Many women in our society fear ending up single and this may lead to them marrying just anyone who shows an interest. They are that desperate to be married. Society does not make it any easier as it tends to regard unmarried women negatively.
If all these women had put their situation In the Lord’s able Hands, I doubt the so called “apostle of marriage” from Nigeria would have caused quite such a stir here in Nairobi.

How shocking and interesting. Things certainly are different over there! While it might be preferable that they weren't so desperate, it certainly sounds better than over here Odhiambo, where marriage is not valued properly, and there is no social stigma for loose women.

[SenoritaRita]

In 2010, there was a seminar here in Nairobi, by a Nigerian Pastor on “how to get married without delay”
My goodness,  was there a to-do!
The venue was packed early and there was no room anymore but women thronged the outside of the venue in their thousands deaf to the information they received that the hall was full. It rained but the women paid no heed; they struggled,  they shoved they  screamed at the gate to be let in.
This was a pointer to the state of mind of some women who find themselves still unmarried after a certain age.
Many women in our society fear ending up single and this may lead to them marrying just anyone who shows an interest. They are that desperate to be married. Society does not make it any easier as it tends to regard unmarried women negatively.
If all these women had put their situation In the Lord’s able Hands, I doubt the so called “apostle of marriage” from Nigeria would have caused quite such a stir here in Nairobi.

How shocking and interesting. Things certainly are different over there! While it might be preferable that they weren't so desperate, it certainly sounds better than over here Odhiambo, where marriage is not valued properly, and there is no social stigma for loose women.

I think this tends to happen more whenever God and religion are not the primary reasons for getting married...