Joke of the Day: George Phillips

[Shin]

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

[Patricia]

Good one! And its a true joke

[martin]

          

[Patricia]

Big John

A very slightly built bus driver named Bob was running his route one day when a big hulk of a guy got on.

The man was six feet-eight, built like a wrestler and had arms that hung down to the ground. He glared at the diminutive driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back. The very frightened bus driver was upset, but decided it would not be smart to argue with Big John.

It became a daily event. Big John would get on, say “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sit in the back. And each day, Bob got a little more upset about being taken advantage of.

Finally Bob could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, plus karate and judo. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong. What’s more, he felt really good about himself.

So on a Monday morning, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” Bob stood up, glared back at the passenger and screamed, “And why not?”

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass.”.

[Shin]

 

  Good stuff!

[Patricia]

Perks Of Being Over The Hill

    * There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.   

    * Things that you buy now won't wear out.

    * Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

    * You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.

    * Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.

    * You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.

    * Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them anyway.

    * You can sing along with elevator music.

    * Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.

    * Your eyes won't get too much worse.

    * Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

    * People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you? "

    * You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.

    * You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.

    * In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.

    * No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

    * You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.

 

[Shin]

 

Too true!!

[Brigid]

The third one hits awfully close to home, but it's so 

[martin]

I’m getting worried !!  I ticked all the boxes.

And talking about hypochondriac.

This epitaph was found on the tombstone of a hypochondriac. It read,
Maybe now you’ll believe I was ill.

[Shin]

I’m getting worried !!  I ticked all the boxes.

And talking about hypochondriac.

This epitaph was found on the tombstone of a hypochondriac. It read,
Maybe now you’ll believe I was ill.

Good one! 

[Brigid]

I’m getting worried !!  I ticked all the boxes.

And talking about hypochondriac.

This epitaph was found on the tombstone of a hypochondriac. It read,
Maybe now you’ll believe I was ill.

[Patricia]

Saying grace

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him! He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my existence for years, taught others I don't exist and credited my creation to a cosmic accident. Why should I help you?"

"It would be hypocritical to ask you to show mercy on me," the atheist agrees. "But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

At that, the noise of the forest resumes, the river runs, and the bear drops to its knees, brings its paws together, and says, "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

[Brigid]

Saying grace

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him! He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my existence for years, taught others I don't exist and credited my creation to a cosmic accident. Why should I help you?"

"It would be hypocritical to ask you to show mercy on me," the atheist agrees. "But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

At that, the noise of the forest resumes, the river runs, and the bear drops to its knees, brings its paws together, and says, "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

This made me laugh so much that I called my mother to give her a good chuckle too. She really enjoyed it!

[Brigid]

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

See how necessary wives are - truly get their husbands thinking.